all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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