I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
