you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
