Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize