I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
