Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
