Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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