Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
