mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
