My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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