booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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