She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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