Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
