He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
