Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
