I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
