That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I still have a little drunk in my system
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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