I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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