It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
