I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
