marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
are you so shy because you have an std?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
