chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize