I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Quick, to the slutcave!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
