I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
