1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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