just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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