Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
