so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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