You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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