Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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