your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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