the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
