I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize