Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
