I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
