I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
