giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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