Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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