Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
