Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
