I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
