I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize