would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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