birth control should be required to get into college
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
