We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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