Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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