Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
