I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
