just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
