she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
where does the pee come out of this thing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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