I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
