Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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