You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
