her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
