I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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