would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
