now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize