'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
