Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the day after is always just damage control
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
