Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
