As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
