Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
