I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
