i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
