my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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