I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize