i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
