Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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