Your tits are I can't wait for
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
