Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize