Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
